So, this bus hit me right...

It's finally hit me. Life without my husband. It only took 41 days. Wow... harder than I contemplated. I actually never really sat around thinking, "Shit, what am I gonna do for 12-14 months without my husband?" I really only said to myself, "Look, it's going to happen. Deal." It made it easier to deal, I guess. Either that or I just put off dealing with the situation. As I age I realize how good I am at different things. Procrastination, I got from my mother. I could never reach her level, though. Now, that he is gone, I am forced to deal with my lonely solitude, alone. It prompts the question: What else can't I handle alone? If he remains in the Army, he's bound to end up deployed to Iraq or Iran or Korea or some far off land and I am bound to have a kid or two or one in the oven... and again, I'm alone. Maybe this time i'll deal better. Maybe I'll learn my lesson... nah... Another thing I got from my mother. One thing I got from my father, when it gets to hard, get out. I can't do that. I love my husband. I broke down on the phone with him today. I've needed that once a week phone call for days now. I've kept my cool for so long, I couldn't help it. I hate doing that to him. The last thing he needs to worry about is his poor sad wife at home. Oh poo. This all causes far too much wine consumption. At least I have my puppy... sweet Zora.