I watched her drown

... as if I was watching myself...

I've felt like vomiting all day. How can so little support come from something so valued... so guaranteed? I'm unsure of its rarity, but it seems to be weaving a very ugly and fine web in my head.

Shit... shit on this day.

Thank God for its close.

your lessons for today

You can only blame your Present and Future on your Past for so long; Sooner or later you must learn from your history... so that you may credit your Future to your Past. I do not feel for you if you let someone hurt you, twice. I have no pity for repeat offenders. I find no solace in their self-destructive nature, and the tears it brings to many.

If you don't want honesty from me, I am not the friend for you. You and I will not get along. If you want to wear a short shirt out on the town, and you ask me, "Does this make me look like a slut?" I'm not going to lie to you; I'm not going to tell you what you want to hear. I'm going to give you the Truth; the ugly, painful, and releasing Truth.

If it makes you feel better to throw my own misery in my face, find a sympathetic ear for your troubles elsewhere.

Everything is relative. Three weeks away from your loved one may feel like an eternity... and to us it is a mere hour... Texans think 60 degrees is cold; Minnesotan (ians? oans?) wear shorts. A flu shot is nothing; I have bruises I can't remember bumping; Cuts that bleed, and I feel nothing... but when a friend smites you... it writhes more than a thousand bee stings, and the scars last for a life time.

banishment

Well, well, well... here I find myself, once again. The lights are dim, the monitor casts a glow on my face, my dog paces on the hard wood floors, my AC blows out freezing FREE air, and my fingers drum away on the keyboard in search of answers to questions of answers. Yes, yes... This is a frequent occurance. Not a lot changes. No, much is the same. It's still around 10 pm, Zora still has anxiety, and my fat cat gorges herself on the "indoor, weight/furball control cat food". I'm still not privy to "world" issues. You see Army Wives (I should write "spouses", but let's be honest, wives make up about 98% of "spouses") don't watch the news... well, not during a deployment, and not when they don't have freaking cable. I almost miss network news. Seriously, the biggest story that is local is some water main fight a guy is having in Harker Heights. I'm sure it's a big problem for him, but I just don't freaking care enough to hear about it at 6 and 10 each night.

Anyway, off subject... banishment. Ever felt so "out-of-the-loop" at one point, that you don't even try to get back into the loop? I mean really, it's easier to remain ignorant. Avoidance is a blessing, at times. Sure, it might blow up in my face one day, but if "one day" isn't within a year or so, we'll be gone. This is, after all, the Army. People always talk about how they "just like to know things". I don't think I want to know what people don't like about me. I'm ignorant... and it's freaking blissful. My promised partner for life can deal with it, so can I. I just hate that I find out through grapevines what people really think. I can't talk though... I know I've spoken my share of "shit". It's only natural to have "shit" spoken about oneself. It's moronic to think it wouldn't happen... to think I'm immune or some shit.

I can be a bitch... it's only a matter of time people start calling me such.