Vanessa's "READ ME" file.

I am an intellectual person... understanding, and compromising to near a fault. I may not watch the news often, but I realize there are greater concerns in the world aside from my own. I realize those close to me have their own obligations, priorities, and concerns. When Matt comes home, what I do to pass the lonely hours in the night, and his day to day activities don't really sit on the brains of many... I get that. I've also learned I can bring people down... I may wear a mask, but my eyes hide nothing. I hate that, but it's fact.

Now, we (humans) are notorious for saying things "people just say", such as... "call me if you need anything." I get that. I also get the need people feel to say that... because well, it's something "you just say". It's irritating when you know someone isn't genuine. Ninety-five percent of the time, they don't expect you to call. Few actually mean what they say. I'm guilty of this, I'm sure. I can't pin-point something, but I'm not arrogant enough to believe I'm exempt. The faulty wires in my system can only be reconnected by a professional... so, this is by no means an attack from a perfect human. Shit, I only use, like 8% of my brain power or something. It's just... well, you can call someone a "friend", and never talk to them. You can speak to you friends, and not really talk. You know many of them are out there, but you can't feel them. Some are self-involved... some are avoiders (guilty), some really do have to much on their minds, some just don't care...

I am so thankful for the few friends I do have... they keep me grounded. They've helped me through these last two months, which have been uphill. I feel the wind in my favor, now. I really do... before, I think I was faking. I really couldn't see that light near the end. It was all black. Now, though, I'm feeling much better.

So, back to my point... thanks to those of you who really mean what you say...

and to those of you who "just say things"...

I just fucking hate being ignored.