slender strings tie us together

"We are compelled to do what we have been forbidden."

Well, yes, of course... we always desire riches out of reach. For example, Matthew... sex... compassion... companionship... what's missing between ellipses... yes, of course... what is missing, is what we lack, is what we wait for... is what we want.

I've been going over and over Dashboard Confessional's new album "Dusk and Summer." I can't get it off my lips. Some lyrics are so simple, and so soft. "Stolen"... track 5... "You... have ... stolen... my ... heart..." Sang so sweetly, as it should be because it is a delicate matter...

I wonder... and I wander about the thinkings of my head. I wonder, did I give him a good enough goodbye? Could it ever be sufficient? Was my stone face just, agreeable? Or savory, as a star visible in daylight? Did he think about how he "held my eyes"? Did he recognize the message in them? This goodbye will be more extravagant. I will cry, because I know it will be real. Last time, I didn't buy it. I thought maybe he'd call later and say, "George changed his mind." But, he didn't, and Matthew was left with a colorless farewell. This time will be different. It will supersede all previous farewells. It will be remembered.

I will make our 15 days matter... I will hold him closer... I will push myself against him harder. I will, I will, I will tell him "I love you" as long as my mouth will make the words. Then, I will say it with my eyes. I will hold his hand. I will make a memory of every line in his eyes. I will. I will touch his face. I will cradle my face in his hands. I will stroke his hair. I will wear flats, and rest my head on his chest... I will make a memory of his heart beat. I will make a memory of his smell. I will wear his smell to bed.

We will be remembered.