present state of mind: anxious for a feeling

The anxious feeling under my skin... causes distress. All I can think about is a deep stare in moonlight... or candle light... or vague daylight peaking inside the blinds... any light. All I can think about is being held. All I can think about is one thing... but so many things wrapped around one solid. It's good... distraction. As I've always said, it's good, distraction. I can go out to dinner, see a movie, go out for drinks, and busy my mind, but... there is always a lull in conversation... a lull where I am relaxed, departed from all ongoing happenings... and I'm drifted back to this desire. This desire to... touch... be touched... feel... be felt. So many things, as I've said, wrapped around one solid. The atmosphere around my air is thick with wanting. Anyone would feel the heat that surrounds me... just come a bit closer. I could start a fire in the direction of my gaze. You don't want to become the object of my attention... trust many... the burning soon follows.
I've figured it out... it's the romance. And I don't mean romance in the candle lit dinner, flowers, and wine kind of way... I mean deep stares, soft whispers, and back-of-the-hand gentle touching.... that is romance. I'm not sure I realized before, but now it's clear.
I know. I know. I know. I can handle life. I can deal. I might slip; I may fall... but I'm strong enough to pick myself up... I can deal.
I'll, again, breathe deep. I'll breathe deep until I remember his hand. I'll breathe deep until I need it, no longer. I'll breathe deep, and sleep.
I am strong. I am stronger.