14 days and trying not to count
The Army has a way... a way of forcing you to be patient. No sense in getting worked up; no sense in getting mad... what's it going to do? Not a damn thing, is the answer. It's taught me a lot... these are valuable lessons. These are lessons I won't forget. I trust they will help me in the long run, with children, grandchildren... Fourteen, 14... sounds shorter when it's written in Arabic form, rather than in English. So, I'll say 14... 14 days since I've heard his voice. It would be so nice... so so nice... so so sweet... to hear him... to hear him just say, "how's my baby?" That sound is so missed. His head on my shoulder, passed out in front of the TV at 9pm, is so missed. His hand stroking the hair out of my eyes... a kiss on the back of my hand, neck, anywhere... the proximity of breath... is so so missed. I linger in the midnight hours pondering the many workings of my longing... this also doesn't do me any courtesy. How could a human being not notice, though? There is such a lack of intimacy, or human contact, for that matter. It's hard not to notice. It's hard to ignore it. Many people experience this... not as many in this situation... but many do. It's no fun under any circumstance. I am glad, though, I have the promise of love; the promise of well... many things. They are anticipated and not yet felt. I look forward... I always look forward. I live in the now of cosmos, margaritas, stupid boys to flirt with, neighbors to relate to, and my dog to lick my face in the morning to wake me (just as Matthew did)... so, I'm content, considering. Soon, i will be content... minus the 'considering'.
11pm and I still wake to the sounds of nothing.
5 comments:
You're doing as good as anyone would be. Just try to remember that longing is so much nicer when you fill it with fondness instead of agony.
damn blogger, erased my last entry. Nessie you are always welcome to stay with me. I am not Matty but I am a warm body to lay next to. :) Cant wait to see you and Zora.
Oregon- Good point. I try hard to focus on what will be instead of what isn't.
Trish- thanks. You're a good friend and I know I can always count on you. What are you doing Friday?
nessie Friday I am not sure, I have to work on Saturday, so prolly not much. Saturday I think M and I are having date night. But what are you doing? Mayeb we can plan something?? Saturday I wouldnt mind laying out by the pool
This sort of feeling toward my wife--who will very soon be in your own situation--fills me with more guilt than you know. I'm sure it's the same for your husband.
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