Thursday night, the same as any other.
Tonight... does not deserve a name. It is the same. The same as any other night. I am still here, alone. I still repeat myself. I am drinking wine (I don't do that every night), I am feeling sentimental... and I am thinking of Matty... tonight is no different; it does not deserve its own name.
This life of mine... it is my own. I do not ask for sympathy; I do not even ask for thankfulness of my husband's (and his family's) sacrifice; I ask not that you sigh when I am sad. This life is mine. I chose this life, and it is mine. I would not give it up. I would not trade this life. I would not trade Matty. All I ask... just as any other human would want... is my sacrifices, my struggles, my pain... my longing, not be minimized. It is offensive to assume you have it harder than any other person... I do not have it harder than most... but, I do know what wanting is... I do know what waiting feels like... I do know what patience means. Few people know what being patient truly means. I once thought of myself as patient; I was wrong. I am patient now. I could wait years... and I am... waiting, wanting, being patient... for one longing year. I shall wait with optimistic fright, but love.
Tonight has no name. It is another night amongst many... a sea of nights drenched in hopeful romanticism... drowning in longing, lonely love.
I would, will, wait. The days are quick and the nights are as plenty as they are slow...
*Vanessa*
2 comments:
You made me cry
I have never felt so close to someone I have never even talked to. My fiance is away for military training. No, he is not in Iraq, and no, he hasn't been gone as long as your Matty (nor will he be). But I draw strength from you. I feel as though I can relate to you. I pray for you, for us, for anyone else who can understand the delicate ground we walk on. Yes, we are patient, yes we are strong. But we do still need and long for the love that only our soul-mate can bring.
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