Google

I got googled. OMG weird. Whomever googled me.. hung out on my blog.. well, this damn thing, for a freakin' while. CREEPY. Someone googled me. ICK.

awesomeness

yeah...

about me

I'm uncomplicated, and pretend not to fake it. I like to say things like "Heck ya!" "So, I got that goin' for me," "Good talk, guys," and "Yo," a lot. I'm generally in a good mood most times, and I like to be made to laugh until I think I might pee a little. I enjoy dancing... either alone in my house... sometimes naked, or out and until I'm completely dripping in sweat. I sing poorly. I hate being called "princess". I give everyone a hard time. Worry if I'm quiet around you. What I drive has no importance to me other than gas mileage and safety. I call myself a "windows down kind of gal". If it's cold outside, I like to put on a sweater, turn up the heater on my feet, and drive at 70 miles an hour with all the windows open... music cranked. There are a lot of things I want that I cannot have and a lot of things I have for which I never asked. And, well... I deal. Well? Who knows... I just deal.

art work on your body???

This

becomes this
becomes this
and this...

Jason Steele- Str8line-254-699-2500

I need a new theme song

Seriously.

saved or destroyed?

Ever feel like one moment could break you? But, you take the leap because it could, potentially, be your redemption? I hate making decisions. Either way could come out in your favor and either way could come out tragic. Life changing... and some... minuscule. Minuit, even. Of no consequence. We don't even want to think about the ones that could end us... leave us broken and destroyed. We always hope to be redeemed and saved.

So many things... so many decisions have led me here. How many keep me where I am? How many destroy my future? So many make me... just one could break me. I wish I could predict the one that would be my rescue. I wish I wish I wish. I wish... I could wish, and it were so simple. I want to know the end of me. I want to feel so vulnerable. Anything to feel anything so alive... anything to stop... to stop the repetition.

I hope to be right.


Kelly Clarkson- Sober
And I don't know
This could break my heart or save me
Nothing's real
Until you let go completely

So here I go with all my thoughts I've been saving
So here I go with all my fears weighing on me

Three months and I'm still sober
Picked all my weeds but kept the flowers

But I know it's never really over
And I don't know
I could crash and burn but maybe
At the end of this road I might catch a glimpse of me

So I won't worry about my timing,
I want to get it right
No comparing, second guessing, no not this time

Three months and I'm still breathing
Been a long road since those hands
I left my tears in but I know
It's never really over, no

Wake up

Three months and I'm still standing here
Three months and I'm getting better yeah
Three months and I still am
Three months and it's still harder now
Three months I've been living here without you now
Three months yeah, three months

Three months and I'm still breathing
Three months and I still remember it
Three months and I wake up
Three months and I'm still sober
Picked all my weeds but kept the flowers

No doubt a person living happy with only one heart lacks oxygen to the appropriate parts of the brain...

E.E. Cummings. I carry your heart with me

i carry your heart with me
(i carry it in my heart)
i am never without it
(anywhere i go you go, my dear; and whatever is done by only me is your doing, my darling)
I fear no fate
(for you are my fate, my sweet)
i want no world
(for beautiful you are my world, my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant and whatever a sun will always sing is you
here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)

********************************

Who ever said that their life was whole without two hearts? I'd like to meet them. I'd like to methodically break down their idea of happiness. I'd like to know step by step, aspect by aspect how they came to be happy. I would read a 500 page book on happiness minus one heart. I'd like to hear their heart beating alone. No doubt I'd find a murmur... a piece of longing. No doubt they'd end up in tears because there lies a flaw in their plan. Like seeing the sun rise and not caring to see it set... Unfinished.

Who ever said life continues with one heart?