Monday, April 23, 2007

perfect rain perfect run

Just over a 4 kilometers into my run... the rain starts. It's just misting at first, and 1K later, it's a full on sprinkle. The bill of my cap keeps it out of my eyes. But, my soft running capris are soon soaked. Not the heavy sort of soaked... just enough to cause sticking, but not enough to add weight slowing me down.

It seems a sprinkle makes for a very enjoyable run. It stopped by the time I returned home. I couldn't decide whether the weather soaked my undershirt, or sweat did the deed.

I guess I'll never know. Lance Armstrong congratulated me for making the 250 mile mark. He's sweet on me.



Have a good Monday.

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

Stay

This song is so pretty. I've never been a fan of Sugarland... but, this is the first song from them that I've really heard how pretty her voice can be... the lyrics are below, and here is their page toget a listen.

"Stay"- Sugarland

I've been sitting here staring at the clock on the wall
And I've been laying here praying, praying she won't call
It's just another call from home
And you'll get it and be gone
And I'll be crying

And I'll be begging you, baby
Beg you not to leave
But I'll be left here waiting
With my Heart on my sleeve
Oh, for the next time we'll be here
Seems like a million years
And I think I'm dying

What so I have to do to make you see
She can't love you like me

Why don't you stay
I'm down on my knees
I'm so tired of being lonely
Don't I give you what you need
When she calls you to go
There is one thing you should know
We don't have to live this way
Baby, why don't you stay

You keep telling me, baby
There will come a time
When you will leave her arms
And forever be in mine
But I don't think that's the truth
And I don't like being used and I'm tired of waiting
It's too much pain to have to bare
To love a man you have to share

Why don't you stay
I'm down on my knees
I'm so tired of being lonely
Don't I give you what you need
When she calls you to go
There is one thing you should know
We don't have to live this way
Baby, why don't you stay

I can't take it any longer
But my will is getting stronger
And I think I know just what I have to do
I know just what I have to do
I can't waste another minute
After all that I've put in it
I've given you my best
Why does she get the best of you
So next time you find you wanna leave her bed for mine

Why don't you stay
I'm up off my knees
I'm so tired of being lonely
You can't give me what I need
When she begs you not to go
There is one thing you should know
I don't have to live this way
Baby, why don't you stay, yeah

extensions

When a civilian hears the word "extensions," what is their first thought? Hair extensions? Tax file extension? Maybe something else... I can't be sure. It's been some time since I've felt like a civilian, even though, technically, I am a civilian.

When the Army community (I'd include the other branches, but this epidemic seems to only be affecting the Army) hears "extension", our response is automatic. We don't think of Paris Hilton and how it's possible for her to have really short hair one day, and long locks another. No, our response is automatic... fear grips, and desperation clings to the back of the throat. We hold our breathe while battalions, brigades, and sometimes, divisions are announced. In some instances... none are announced. This just leaves us thinking of hope. Praying... it's not us, it's not our neighbors, it's no one that we know... that is "extended". Then again, how can we not fret for our "brothers and sisters"? How can we not?

Our response is automatic... tour "extensions". We hate them. They come at the most inopportune time: anytime.

The worst thing about the announcement of "extensions"... is when we hear it on network news. When we haven't been given the respect of knowing before the general public knows... my mom knew before I. This is a serious flaw in the dissemination process. You may, or may not, recall this post last November in which I expressed my excitement for the changes to come. The announcement of "extensions", does not bode well for my attitude towards the Secretary of Defense... no, it does not.

Excitement does not linger. It loiters. It pisses me off. I haven't the official "your husband's unit will deploy for 15 months" confirmation yet so it leaves wanting and waiting once again on my freaking doorstep. It's banging on the door and ringing the bell... it's turning hope into anxiety, and loyalty into regret. It doesn't even wipe its feet! It's inconsiderate. It doesn't lay off when I close my eyes at night and attempt to sleep... it fights the muscles in my eyelids... forces my eyes to roll underneath...

"We don't know... what we don't know." I hate that answer.

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

my running partner

Thanks to The Quadrathon, I'm now able to attach my Nike+ data to my page... even though I haven't updated this site in a while. An update is soon to come... what with the announcement of extended tours of duty in Iraq... but, that's another day!

To your left you should see my stats and most recent rus... I've been trying to up my milage lately. I'm sick of the 4 miles a day crap. I never get faster, or gain more endurance. So, the past three weeks have been a freaking blast. I've decreased my speed, by 10 seconds. My longest run is 8miles. Below are some stats that I enjoy the most. Have a nice day!

Personal Best (PB) mile: 7'07"
PB 1K: 4'23"
PB 5K: 22'41"
PB 10K: 47'51"
Overall Average Pace: 8'06"

Monday, April 09, 2007

pictures last longer

True. Yes... If you live anywhere near Texas... you know it snowed over the weekend. Instead of cute Easter dresses... little girls dawned puffy snow coats. Strange really... it snowed all day Saturday... didn't stop for a second. We must of hit some record for lately snow of the year... or something. Saturday's high was 46... Tuesday's promises to be a least 80. Global warming? I don't know. God playing tricks? Maybe. It's melted, and a mere memory today, but... at least there is this...

Sunday, April 01, 2007

Nearly a week later!

Okay, thankfully, as some (or one) of you may have feared, no one took me seriously.. I mean seriously... I can I take the entire nation seriously if this kid is still on American Idol?? I may have to stop watching. I was upset enough when Taylor won last year. I keep watching in hopes of another Carrie Underwood.

Well, I'm sure to be disappointed once again this Wednesday. Maybe he'll surprise me this Tuesday... or maybe the news people will find something hidden in his past that he lied about and therefore, gets him thrown off the show. I'm going to hell, aren't I?

Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Sanjaya Malakar

"Shoot me. Seriously, just shoot me now," Will be my response if he isn't voted off American Idol tonight, and I have to endure another 3 minutes of him next Tuesday. Shoot me.. or maybe, I'll just hit mute.
ICK ICK ICK.

Sunday, March 11, 2007

Neon Moon

It was years ago; I don't recall the exact date.
But, the Memory has never been faint.
I drove my grandfather home from the hospital were my grandmother was having back surgery.
We called her "Grams" or "Gramzee". She didn't like "Grandma". It made her feel old.
We called him "Papa"., though, I know not the reason.

We drove down old Route 66 towards "The Canyon" where Grams and Papa had built their home of 42 years.

The radio was just a whisper as we drove.
He pointed out speed limits as each sign passed.
Informed me of my exit... although I'd turned there hundreds of times.
He was a man of habit, and routine.
"Neon Moon" by Brooks & Dunn hit the FM waves.
Papa loved this song.
He cranked up the dial until it couldn't go any louder. It was deafening.
he leaned back...
the blue sky held his gaze, and he bobbed his head back and forth while tapping his Hands on his thighs...

This is just one memory. Many are running through all of our minds. A true Patriarch, he raised non-biological daughters, and grandchildren, but, he will always be our real father.

Early this morning, Papa passed. Peaceful, quiet, and surrounded by family at home. Circumstances couldn't have been better. No more memories are to be made, only recalled. So, tonight, we'll turn his "Party Lights" on, and worship the Neon Moon for Papa.

Wednesday, March 07, 2007

realization one

As husband steps out the door to leave for work... I pull on his arm in an attempt to make him play hooky. I know it won't happen, but it's fun to try. He gives me a "see ya later" kiss, and begins to say "goodbye" in as many languages as he can think of... and two he makes up.
I hiss.
I didn't marry my best friend... but, the man I married became my best friend.

Tuesday, March 06, 2007

blood lying on my beaten path

Like any other morning, I set the intended distance on my iPod to 4 miles. Uneventful, are the first 2.4 miles. And, randomly, as if someone threw a rock in the end of my path sending ripples my way, I stumbled and fell like a toddler failing its first steps.
I rolled to my right.
Stun still holding me, I lay for a moment then, quickly check my iPod for damage.
"Someone had to have seen that," I think.
"Get up," I say.
Standing straight, I wince and look at my knee. It's bleeding. There is a pea size, perfectly round, wound on my palm; probably from that damn pebble I tripped on; scraps mark my right leg and arm... my elbow throbs.
"I am going to finish this run," I think.
The next quarter mile hurts, but my blood pressure quickly increases, and it's all numb, so I complete my 4 miles.
400 meters to go, says my running partner.
Blood has dripped and dried on my shin.
300 meters to go...
My pace quickens.
200... 100... finished.
As I walk, I begin to limp. My knee stings. BAD.
Blood is clotted... caked on the largest of the scraps. It hurts.
I can't get home fast enough.
I sit. It stings harder.
I wipe it clean with a wet rag...
I pull out a tiny piece of gravel from my knee.
OUCH.
Don't I feel stupid...

Sunday, March 04, 2007

burning calories

I run into the wind.
I tip my head down to keep my eyes moist.
The wind's pressure on my cap's bill,
adds to the muscle burn.
I take a right.

A gust forces me off the path.
The damp grass slows my pace,
momentarily.
I correct my stumble with a few
beats on the pavement.

The strong breeze smells like artillery fire.

Wednesday, February 21, 2007

How Many of Me

Thanks to fancythis, I now know how many of me (both old and new) exsist...

First name + Maiden name:


HowManyOfMe.com
LogoThere are:
266
people with my name
in the U.S.A.

How many have your name?


First name + married name:

HowManyOfMe.com
LogoThere are:
13
people with my name
in the U.S.A.

How many have your name?

Santa Fe, NM

So, over President's Day weekend... we lived it up right. On a trip i just dreaded, we went to Santa Fe, NM to go snowboarding. I was terrified. Completely terrified. Yet, after three lessons... I was able to make it down "Easy Street" a few times without falling on my face. It was a great time. I can't wait to go again. I look like a pro (not really). Here are some photos. Have a good hump day, and rest of the week.

11,000 something feet...
On the ski lift... Matt takes good pictures.
I don't take as good pictures...

On the Ski Lift.

I'm totally a snowboarder now.... sort of.





Wednesday, February 14, 2007

I watched her drown

... as if I was watching myself...

I've felt like vomiting all day. How can so little support come from something so valued... so guaranteed? I'm unsure of its rarity, but it seems to be weaving a very ugly and fine web in my head.

Shit... shit on this day.

Thank God for its close.

Saturday, February 10, 2007

every angel is terrifying

She rides the road... streamlined thought process. The mile markers pass, unnoticed. The alternating dashed and solid lines in the center blur. She thinks of unspeakables... she imagines life differently with such unspeakables.

Life with a different mate...

without a mate...

Why must she ponder such shit? Life is no where near unbearable... but restless somewhere in a cloudy tolerable. A peak of her reflection reveals a distant scar on her pupil... which is quickly ignored with a blink. Long has she pondered its approximate appearance, but never found an answer... nor a reason. She chooses to ignore her weakness...

"Fleeting moments in life just seems to show up," she says... to no one. "And disappear just as mysteriously, and expectantly." As if He, hears.

She approaches life with certain torturous expectation.

"Mine is a life of turmoil," she thinks out loud.

She hits the yellow line dividing directions of a two lane highway, and realizes... she has no memory of the last five miles.

She has no choice... it seems. She likes being certain, but Life prefers uncertainty.

Almost home. A reason to rejoice.

Friday, February 09, 2007

"Tonight"

I love this song. I'm unsure the reason, but it makes me warm. It's a beautiful song... even if you aren't a country music fan. The melancholy lyrics are of comfort... comfort in "the wrong", feeling strangely right. There's something to behold in all its fault... a human being.

"Tonight"- Sara Evans
If I had a weakness
You sure found it tonight
Some hidden desperation
You saw floatin' in my eyes
Moments just like these baby
Wrong can feel so right
And I don't wanna go home tonight
I've held it all together
As long as I can
There's pieces of me fallin'
Right into your hands
And don't the lies come easy baby
When the truth just ain't worth the fight
No I, I don't wanna go home tonight

[Chorus]
So lay me down easy
And hold on tight
And tell me I'm the only one you see tonight
Lonely woman, lonely man
There's just some things only lonely understands

I might be just a sinner
Who wants to be a saint
One justifies the reason
Oh, one understands the pain
And I don't know what's wrong baby
And I sure don't know what's right
But I don't wanna go home tonight

[Chorus]
Click here to hear the song: http://www.saraevans.com/pages/music/restless.htm

Wednesday, February 07, 2007

Pictures

Well... well... welll... I'm an ARtist!
Here it is! The outside is made from the back of Matt's BDU top.
Some pictures of the inside; two shirt pockets from the top of Matt's old BDUs.
The tag says, "Handmade by: ", and I'll put my name in. The lining is a very pretty yellow. It matches well.
Show and tell is over.

Tuesday, February 06, 2007

Sewing machine madness & Nike+iPod

About... let's say four months ago, my mother-in-law bought me a sewing machine. I wanted it... so, she bought me one. She's good like that...

Anyway, the presence of its "nobs-o-plenty", plugs, pedals, and bobbins galore had successfully intimidated me... that is, of course, until today. I bought a pattern... tons of fabric, thread, needles, and pins, and I just went at it. It took me about an hour to locate a manual online (I lost mine), and then another 30 or so minutes to thread the damn bobbin, but after I successfully stitched together the outside part of the bag... I was psyched (enough to walk across the street barefoot to show my neighbor)!

So, after a long day of bending over the machine of a million stitch designs, I have produced a messenger bag. It was quite an undertaking for a beginner such as myself. But, I must say, I've done quite a job. The best part, you ask? Well, a pretty yellow lining, and one of husband's old BDU (battle dress uniform or better known as fatigues) sets constructs the piece.

Pictures soon.

Next, as the title indicates.. Nike+iPod is a really cool (also really expensive way) to track your running/jogging workouts. What is needed: iPod Nano (any generation), Nike+ shoes, Nike+iPod transmitter/receiver kit. The kit is only about $30, but to get a decent pair of shoes you have to spend at least $ 90. Then, there's the Nano. The cheapest one bought new would be the 2GB,and I believe it runs about $150.00. Luckily, I got most of that for Christmas. :)

So, a small transmitter fits beneath the left shoe of the Nike+ shoe (already cut out holes)... and the receiver goes into the port at the bottom of the Nano. It tracks your pace, distance, and calories burned (based on weight). It doesn't do heart rate... which is probably already in the works. It has male or female voice encouragement (so they call it; all she/he really does is give you a progress update... pace, distance left, etc.). After loading your workouts up to www.nikeplus.com , it displays your whole run on a grid (sort of)... showing you where you slowed down, sped up, etc. Today, I could point out on the grid exactly where the wind started to pick up. It's pretty sweet, and makes me want to run farther each day... and, well that's because the other day when I completed my longest workout today (using the Nike+ system), Lance Armstrong congratulated me! Seriously, here I am, huffing and puffing, and in my ear I hear, "Hi, this is Lance Armstrong. Congratulations, you've just completed your longest workout yet!" It was cool. I'm waiting to see who will congratulate me next... that's a tough one to beat.

If you are interested, I'm "MrsMcGraw" on nikeplus.com. I think you can see my stats.

Monday, February 05, 2007

Idiots, please raise your hand so I can see you... clearly.

*Vanessa raises hand*

So, we just finally got into the Netflix thing... and, well, we got our first movie... watched it... then, I got all excited... ohhhhhh, let's pop it in the mail now so we can get another movie! WOO HOO!

That would be great and all... if I hadn't put the wrong damn DVD in the return envelope.

*Vanessa lowers hand in shame*

Friday, January 19, 2007

Nature took a shower.

Last night, I slept with the Rain. Its patter beating an open window and cool breath tickling my nose. I had the most peaceful sleep of these weeks past. Although, husband was not here, and the bed is not my own, I was still calm. I did not wake to use the restroom or toss and turn in search of comfort. I just slept.


Yet, once again... I find myself missing husband. Longing for his weight opposite my side. Dreaming of his heavy breath at my back... or in my face. It is a sweeter sort of missing. For he is not 7,000 something miles away... only 600. Still in the same state... still in my calling network. I can pester him all day with questions, I love yous, or just listen to him breath as he watches TV. Or, as I have done, I can imagine him in his habitat... OUR habitat... searching for something easy to eat, playing with Zora, or just reading... in OUR bed. Although, I'd rather be home, this feeling of sweet longing is just fine for now.


In the daylight, as I close the window, the remains of last night's water still lay on the seal, resisting overwash by today's continuing downpour.