So, I think I've been punished. Calling Christmas "Hell" was not a good idea because, apparently... the gods of Christmas heard me and decided I shall be sick. I slept through Christmas eve and Christmas day (maybe they did me a favor). My turkey and ham were forfiet. I had no pumpkin pie or cranberry sauce. No presents or full stocking to enjoy... but, I did catch up on some much needed shut eye for the nine hour drive back home.
I've tried to ignore Christmas; why can't Christmas ignore me?I've never really enjoyed the season. As a child (and Jehovah's witness) holidays were uncelebrated, even birthday's. I didn't have a birthday until I was 6 or 7. I never believed in Santa or flying reindeer. I knew better than to believe some fat guy in a red sit could fly around the world, overnight, and deliver glorious presents to every boy and girl. Past Christmas', I pretended to care; smiled at Christmas tunes and carol singers; dropped money in the bell-ringers red bucket; and put on a happy face for my sisters (my mom hates Christmas). This Christmas is especially unwelcome. I can't spend this holiday with the love of my life... It would have been our second Christmas as a married couple. It's tough to care about presents and stockings when he's overseas in harms way. He must work on Christmas. Why should be able to enjoy egg nog and turkey? The trail of lights would be much more enjoyable if I were able to share. I hope my kids don't feel the same.
I miss my husband.
So, I'm home alone. All you psychos out there... beware: I have a candle at my bed side. Since my man let for war, I've been very paranoid. Every noise the cat makes or when the TV creeks or the house "settles" my eyes pop open. I am officially an insomniac. Insomnia due to fear of... too scary to type.
It's not only stupid because I live in a safe neighborhood, I have deadbolts, I keep all the windows locked and I have a bark machine sleeping on the floor next to me but, also because I've lived alone before, in sub-standard housing! So much for my "empowered-woman" image. My hubby leaves and I'm freaked out by the hum of the heater or clanging of pots in the dish washer.
I need a bat.
